Smoke filled the air, blinding flashes like a strobe light. My grandma's house is where my whole family is on New Years eve and New Years day. Everyone is standing out on the porch while my uncle Guy is starting to light the long finale firework. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! My
New Year just began. After that it was time to go home and sleep. I had to wake up at 7:oo am to go to practice. When I went to the gym no one was there, and I later found out that practice was switched to 12:00 pm, I was pretty mad! When it was time for practice I was dozy, and I had triple eye lids, and I was sluggish. The day finished off at grandma's for some traditional Japanese dishes, Kobumaki, and Nishime.
Hi CJ,
ReplyDeleteYou have some good details about your New Year's experience. You need to keep in mind the assignment and its purpose.
This journal was to show your understanding of the trait of "ideas." Thus, you needed to find a focus for your description and then support that focus with specific, sensory detail. At present, there is no real focus.
The other purpose of the assignment was to show that you understood and could apply the titling techniques we learned in class. "Descriptive paragraph" does not really show that, either.
assessment score: 1
mrs s