Collage essay
I was at that age where you really start to think about things in a deeper context like, what am I going to do after high school? What kind of job am I going to get? How will people remember me when I die? Why am I alive? What is my purpose on earth? I was so into finding out why I was here on earth I tried to find answers. It kind of irritated my parents, but hey, what are parents for? I started to try different things, like being more active in my church, but things weren’t the best for me. I tried drawing, I enjoyed it, but I wasn’t so great at it. Then I started making videos for my media class. I was pretty good at it too. I like the feel of directing your own video the way you want it, and edit it the way your vision was. I don’t feel like I’m being forced to make videos, I feel free to do whatever I want to do.
Another thing that I was introduced to my freshman year in high school was, high school sports. I’ve played sports before, but high school sports are on a whole new level. I played football and basketball for the Moanalua Na Menehune. I was one of the few freshman that made the JV football and basketball team. I was one of the few that survived both of them. I was the starting defensive tackle my sophomore year, also earning the hard working player award.
Was that it? i think you should expand on the Sports section. I don't really know what you want to do in college. Do you want to play sports or media? Your Essay is rather vague. You should touch up on it and make it clearer what you want to do and why.
ReplyDeleteIf i can make a suggestion, it's that Those many questions you asked in the first paragraph should be anwsered. Those anwsers when put clearly, can make up a paragraph of their own. I would like to know why you were born, what your destiny is, etc.
I like when you stated your intrests like making videos, drawing, volunteer work, etc. You said that in an intresting manner where it doesn't bore me.
What you're really doing here is stating what you did and your schievements. While they are impressive, io know nothing about you. Dedicate a paragraph to explaining who you are, what about me is special compared to everyone else. You know? But this is a good draft. Too bad it's due today. :)